As a foster parent, the #1 question I am asked is “Don’t you get attached to the kids.” I’ve learned to take those opportunities to educate people. I explain that THE top priority in foster care is to try your hardest to attach to the kids. Attachment is the most important skill you can give to a foster child and the one none of them have ever learned to do well. If kids don’t learn to attach to other people it will haunt every aspect of their lives until they die.
Orphanages can do a great job of providing food and shelter (and perhaps education) to children, but they can not teach relational attachment. We don’t have orphanages in the United States. We figured out, that no matter how messed up family life can be at times, it’s the best place for kids.
I hope to see Christian organization overseas move away from founding orphanages. I ABSOLUTELY think that Christians should be caring for orphans. It’s imperative that we do so. But we don’t need to care for orphans by raising them in orphanages or by making them wait for rich Americans to go through the process of bringing them to the United States. These aren’t our only options.
I think ministries that care for orphans need to start implementing foster programs among indigenous Christians. It’s not just American Christians who are responsible for caring for orphans. All Christians need to be involved in this effort. Many might object that Christians in third-world countries don’t have the resources to take orphans into their homes. I think this is simply American’s own false sense of security in money talking. Families in impoverished nations are quite adept at accepting another mouth to feed. It is not only possible, it’s common. Many families never really know how many mouths they will need to feed on any given evening. Cousins and distant relatives are constantly dropping in. One more will not hobble them.
The early persecuted church probably had more reasons not to care for orphans than any other body of believers at any point in history. Still they became known for their care of orphans. This is something believers all over the world, at this moment in time CAN do.
I honestly think we will be much more successful in finding homes for all of those third world orphans if we find them families in their own country. Perhaps the great expense in legal fees that American Christians spend to get one child out of an orphanage (last I heard, $20K) can be funneled more shrewdly into training indigenous foster parents and perhaps offsetting their additional expense.
It’s in Christian homes, not Christian orphanages, that orphans will find the skills they need to successfully navigate life with something more than full bellies.
July 25, 2007 at 4:47 am
When did the original or abouts when did orphanages come into being?
What ages do you foster? Just curious. I know a few people through where I work that would take in ages 0-2…I believe. If I remember correctly they cared from these kids until they were adopted. Anywho…wasn’t sure if there were specific age groups, but it sounded like there might be.
Oh…I’ve heard that there can be a lot of movement of foster kids. Is this just because of it not being a fit match (so-to-speak)? Or is it as you say that people aren’t attaching themselves to the children?
July 25, 2007 at 9:06 am
This is from the North American Council on Adoptable Children
NACAC believes, and decades of research affirm, that children and youth fare better in families than in orphanages. Families are best suited to advocate for their children, teach them about culture, care for them when they are sick, and support them into adulthood. In families, children learn family skills, including how to parent the next generation of children. Institutions can never provide for children’s mental and social health the way that families can.
Research clearly demonstrates that institutions frequently produce adverse psychological effects that may affect people throughout their lives. In addition to the psychological harm done to children and youth, institutions are extremely expensive and create unnecessary financial burdens. Yearly care in an institution costs at least four times as much as foster care. The harmful effects of institutionalization for vulnerable children and youth do not only occur in places called orphanages. Today, orphanages may take many forms, and use many names: residential educational facilities, residential academies, boarding schools, and children’s homes. Regardless of the name, NACAC is opposed to the placement of foster children and youth in any congregate care facility that limits family involvement, isolates children and youth from their communities, does not focus on family preservation and permanency planning goals, and does not provide appropriate treatment. Long-term custodial care in orphanages for poor or abused children and youth is too costly, both in human and financial terms.
Also, check out this link http://www.nacac.org/policy/orphanages.html
July 25, 2007 at 9:11 am
We currently have a 17 year old boy in our home (48-hour respite placement). We are about to change our age range to 8 and under so that we can move into adoption.
There are as many reasons kids get moved around as there are kids. But the goal in foster care is permanency.
July 25, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I know someone that adopted some kids about 2 years ago. I think they are doing fine now, but at first I think the kids were afraid that they wouldn’t be accepted. It was really sad…someone said they wanted to adopt them and changed their minds. That has to hurt! Thanks for the links. Anywho…what a great demonstration of love!
July 25, 2007 at 6:43 pm
I have always thought if we adopted it would be domestic…b/c of the reasons you stated. There are so many local kids here in America that need stable homes.
Do you know of any ministries that do what you have stated , ie: helping local Christians adopt in their own country?
July 25, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Hey Crystal,
Food for the Hungry offers programs like what you are asking about. In AIDS-affected communities in Africa, they provide programs for extended family and neighbors who take in orphans. The legal process to adopt is time-consuming and often not necessary, but the programs focus on helping the families make it. They might receive extra educational services, food, etc. A big part of FH’s work is getting the local (indigenous) church involved in this ministry to the caregivers in their community. That way, when FH completes its work in the community, the local church’s work continues.
These are the kind of programs we should be championing, in my opinion. But, um, I’m a little biased about this particular program.
July 26, 2007 at 9:19 am
I was going to say “no” but I’m not an expert in new ideas in missions work overseas.
July 26, 2007 at 9:34 am
hey, intersting post. i definitely see how living in a family can be most ideal, being in a home instead of a stale orphanage, seeing the model of loving foster parents, having a low ratio of kids to parents, etc.
i think its somewhat idealogical to expect that other countries could have this sort of system. i am so glad our country does, and even though foster care gets such a bad rap, i agree it is so much better than an orphanage.
one of the things we are talking about doing in our orphan care ministry is not only having an international focus on orphans, but also supporting foster parents and foster children in our community. we have two foster parents (two married couples) on our core team, and they have offered a lot on what our church might do.
what would you say, Dando, that you and your wife need most?
July 26, 2007 at 1:14 pm
i think its somewhat idealogical to expect that other countries could have this sort of system.
What do you think might be preventing Christians in other countries from becoming foster parents?
what would you say, Dando, that you and your wife need most?
Thanks for asking! What my wife and I need most is a foster parent support group with child care. I hope your ministry takes off.
July 27, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Hi again,
well, for example, in China, a huge Church (80 million) but obvious political and religious restrictions from a communist government on well-meaning, faith driven, Christian families. Their orphanages are generally run well, staffed ok, good medical care (compared to others, of course), and with the restrictions on the number of children and the importance of having babies with no deformities, the culture, even the most loving of Christians, would not be able to have foster kids.
Or Africa, like Eritrea and Sudan or Nigeria, many homes do not have dual parents because of death, by war or famine or disease. Culturally Africans put much emphasis on sharing with others, tribal living, embracing children and those in need, but when there isn’t much to go around to begin with, it can make it hard for a well-meaning family (if the family WAS in tact) to provide for taking in orphans.
I don’t think it isn’t by lack of want, just we have to understand our government and our ammenities allow for more of this kind of care for orphans than other restricted, impoverished countries.
btw, i am really just learning about orphan care altogether, but i have a lot to learn, so maybe there is something we can do to make non-orphanage care more of an option.
also, respite care for our foster families was one of our top priorities. so glad to hear we are in the right genre of what you would say foster families need.
July 28, 2007 at 10:30 am
I certainly understand how war and government oppression can prevent full Christian expression. I doubt we run any kind of orphan care in those countries much less foster care. Most of the world’s Christians are not in these circumstances though.
In the places that we do run orphanages, we prove that we have the resources to do it. Orphanages are more expensive than foster care in every context.
also, respite care for our foster families was one of our top priorities. so glad to hear we are in the right genre of what you would say foster families need.
Ah, I should clarify. Respite care is certainly great, we WILL need that. But the thing we need most is a support group made up of other foster parents that meets on a regular basis to encourage and pray with one another. If we had a group like that that provided child care during the meetings it would be a great benefit to us. Not that I’m placing that burden on you, it’s just something we are looking for.
July 29, 2007 at 12:31 pm
sort of like a “mom’s group” or MOPS for foster parents. Foster parents must have unique struggles and questions, I’m sure. I know as a mom it is very helpful to bounce questions off of other moms, especially about discipline or developmental issues. Does Olive Crest not offer something like this?
July 29, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Olive Crest, our foster agency, does have a support group for adoptive parents, but not foster parents.